mom's truth

Friday, January 20, 2012

A window on my Soul.......

If we could actually pull up a little sash type window that would connect directly to a picture of our soul, what would mine look like??? how about yours???
We are currently doing a great new Bible Study in our Tues. morning Women's class on the Book of James. Beth Moore is doing the teaching, but she is giving us lots of fun study time...Last night I awoke in the night thinking about one of the reference verses she was using --Psalm 12:2 "They lie to one another, they speak with flattering lips and deceptive hearts." What a horrible picture of a life and a heart. I imagine, if we could look into a window going in a "split-divided heart", it would have a pile of trash on one side, and on the other side, a bit of beauty....but that pile of trash or "snakey-slimey" looking stuff, is just intolerable to me....I don't want any of that ugly stuff there. I want as my husband always has said to me, to let my yes be yes and my no be no.. Our tongues can become so cruel and deceptive, can't they? One of the verses we are studying in the first chapter of James, says that this kind of duplicity ---a double minded man--- is "unstable in all his ways"...I always want to say the truth...not my perception..but the real truth. That means I don't assume I know all the curcumstances, and glibly give my opinion and judgements, to the world regarding someone elses turf and life.
"Be sure your sin will find you out"--- I think that could includes lying, being cruel, bullying for our own benefit, or to make ourselves look good, gossiping, betraying friends, refusing to resolve conflict, refusing to talk thru problems, leaving commitments and obligations when and how we choose to--seemingly without conscience, being a respector of persons, not being willing to stand up for truth and right against the crowd, refusing to apply the Scripture we already know to our life every day, acting as if we alone know truth, responding to others with arrogance, and self-righteousness, pretending that all is well, when it is not, being unwilling to apologize, being unwilling to forgive....do any of these sound familiar to you???--they do to me...O Lord, help me to walk close to You and listen to You and be willing to obey You.....for You ARE are able to look into a window of my soul, and You are not fooled. We can easily talk ourselves into believing lies....if it is to our benefit...May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer. I need help, how about you?.....I don't want someone to pull the following verse out, and give it to me....it is a sad one--it breaks my heart..

Psalm 55:
"If an ENEMY were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a FOE were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.
But it is YOU, a man (woman) like myself, my COMPANION, my CLOSE FRIEND, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God."
It is such a horrible picture of a person being betrayed........God, please do not let me do this to anyone that I love!!!!....How's the Window of your soul? If I am honest, mine can ALWAYS use some Cleaning??? I know that very few people will ever read this....I just needed to write it down....for those few who do, please know that I love you....

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Getting OLD---Getting WISE

· Getting OLD
· Getting WISE
· Lord, Please Help me to grow OLD and WISE !
When we think of OLD, we many times think WISE, but as I am aging, I am realizing that this may RARELY be the case…Instead, many times, OLD just means that we become very “clutchy” (is that a word?) about how WE think life should be laid out.
If we have been a Mean, Bully type person our whole life , Loudly, giving our opinions, and pushing people around, either verbally or physically, without thought of consequences , we often become even more Cruel and Insensitive to others differing opinions or methods of doing something as we get OLD.
If we have been Judgmental and Opinionated all of our lives, we feel even more entitled, called and empowered (because of our “AGE”, and the fact that we DO know “everything”) to tell anyone and everyone the “right -way” to do things, even though we may really have no expertise in the area that we are presently targeting.
If we have most of our lives, freely told people around us --“embellished, or false tales” of others’ “actions or faults” ,and have done that by “cozying” up to others and asking “ Probing, Negative-type, questions about the motives or behavior of others, we will undoubtedly, by this OLD age, have become an absolute Master at spreading Rumors….It is a bit like a politician……When we put someone else down, it is often to make ourselves look better…
If, in our younger years, we have usually made it a practice to behave Stubbornly about issues that we don’t like, undoubtedly…..we will become very hard to deal with in our old age. Nurses have a name for this, “NON-Compliant”—very difficult patients, and unfortunately, they are (WE ARE) in our communities and churches…
These are terrifying thoughts to me, because I do not want to grow OLD like this….In the past five years I have seen a number of OLD both men and women display these frightening attitudes under the guise of “WISDOM”, and Righteousness….It has been a horrific sight…and has left much damage.
I have watched grown men, whom I had had some respect for, turn into ungodly, angry people. I have watched the lives of some younger servants of God be terribly discouraged and nearly shredded by these so called OLD SAINTS..Why am I saying this????
I think, because @ 65, I am trying to measure my thoughts and words much more carefully – these are now officially, OLD years… I know how Opinionated and Judgmental I have been throughout my lifetime, and I don’t want my life to characterize such horrible behavior in the years left that Jesus may give to me.
I am SO THANKFUL for the MANY truly OLD—WISE people that I have watched thru many years, really model the way to END WELL…..They are my HEROES!!!
Words both encouraging and damaging ,when spoken, can never be reclaimed….MAYBE we can “ease their sting” with heart wrenching apologies, but their influence on the thoughts and actions of others, is forever traveling….it’s like gossip and cutting words, actually have LEGS….
I am trying to keep pouring the words of Colossians 3 thru my mind….I should memorize it!!---because within its’ truth, is the way for me to LIVE—like Jesus wants me to….as a young person and an OLD person…Lord, HELP ME to grow WISE and OLD at the same time… and forgive me when I am not!!!.….
My favorite part of this chapter are verses 12 -14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, and Patience. Bear with each other and Forgive as the Lord Forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on LOVE which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Happy Birthday to my 40 Year Old Son.....

Andrew Edward Rudd

born March 5, 1970 in Elkhart General Hospital. We took that long drive from Winona Lake, where dad was in Seminary, at a pretty good clip that snowy morning. It was a 40 minute drive, but even fast driving did not speed up your very long rough entry into this beautiful world. Your were scheduled to be born on FEB th, but decided to hold off your entry for one full month--which did give us a little anxiety about getting you there on time.

To your late arrival, you added the fact that weighed 9lb.3oz and absolutely would not turn yourself around and come out the normal head first, but insisted on coming our in a frank breech position....

We waited all day --till 4 for you to arrive--while many curious nursing students checked our what a breech delivery would look like--at least until I finally told them that woul be all the visitors until you were in the world. Your dad got to watch the delivery thru a glass window as an anethesiologist put me out and then helped push and pull you out of your tight little home...

From that day, till this you have been an incredible blessing to your dad and I. So many memories I hold over forty years of your life--your shyness, food pickiness, cutting your hair in the beatles style, your great love for creative play, your ability to learn to read at 3, your incredible love for your brothers--always protecting them and guiding them to love Jesus, and then your love and care of your sister almost 12 years your junior, your love for music, your adventuresomeness, your willingness to try new venues as your grew older, your speaking ability, your LOVE of swimming, of reading,of running, of people, of school-- (after highschool), of moviemaking, of traveling, of solving problems, of God's Word--tons of it memorized, of getting more degrees, of caring about and for others, of gourmet cooking, of the Cabin, of the tales of your grandparents' and ancestors' lives, of your mom and dad ,of your wonderful precious wife, Lynn, of the gifts of your incredible children Jaelyn and Addison, of the way you have loved your in-laws.

And now here you are 40 years old !!! Knowing what we do about the genes and longevity of your family, you may have another 40 years to live on this earth. I know you will always choose to do the very best for yourself and all those that you influence. Walking with Jesus is always the key to making it well in life and I know you are very aware of that.

Your dad and I love you way more than we ever dreamed we could love anyone on the day your were born. We are praying for your growth and happiness and walk with God throughout the rest of life that He may give you...We are so proud that you are our son!!!

Happy Happy Birthday to our wonderful son!!!

Your mom who loves you incredibly...